3/3/06 Los Angeles, CA  It was a week of highs and lows for the LA Quakes. They won a huge game to take over first place from the Titans on Sunday, only to lose on Tuesday when they blew a third period lead by giving up four unanswered goals to the lowly Kings.

Sunday Night, February 26 was billed as a battle for first place as the Quakes were one point behind the first place Titans. The Quakes were fired up for the game and matched the Titans stride for stride as the lead changed hands several times.

Unfortunately, the quality of officiating didn't come close to matching the quality of play on the ice. The Quakes were victims of numerous horrendous calls from the substandard amateur referees. Poor Erik Bateman played an unusually clean game and was still called for three minor penalties. The overmatched refs were influenced by his big intimidating reputation for leveling opponents who skate into the crease. Bateman, the colorful orange-haired venture capitalist, got the last laugh by firing the shot for the Quakes winning goal in sudden death overtime.

The Quakes had fallen behind 4-2 in the second period while playing short handed the majority of the time. The team kicked it up a notch in the third period and poured on the attack getting a huge goal and assist from an unlikely source, defenseman Jeff Sax. The third period ended with a 5-5 tie. In the overtime, Big Goose, dazzled the crowd by doing 360 degree spins to avoid Titan checkers as he carried the puck the length of the ice. Ray Razo commented, "If Goose was wearing tights and a skirt, he would have been mistaken for Michelle Kwan." The game came to a dramatic conclusion when Greg Shaw tipped in Bateman's shot from the point with 20 seconds left in overtime.

Coach Carbone praised the high intensity when the breaks were going the other way. With Jeff Allen out for the suspension, Acting GM Gornick activated Andrew Johns to fill the void. Gornick commented, "The Canuck Crooner played a solid game for his first action in 2006."

You could feel the excitement of playoff style hockey all around the Glacial Garden campus with the festive atmosphere spreading to the full house tailgate party. Jamie Menkee passed out tasty homemade cookies that would put Mrs. Field's to shame. Gornick seized the occasion to raise funds by selling cases of cookies to vulnerable Quake players.

Tuesday night, February 28th, the Quakes jumped off to a quick 3-1 lead and were expecting to blowout the Kings and have a cakewalk to the regular season championship. However, the Kings battled back to tie the game in the 2nd period with help from giveaways by the lumbering Quake defensemen. With about 10 minutes left in the game, Jeremy Menkee scored a goal to put the Quakes ahead 6-5 and things looked pretty good.

That's when the Quakes completely collapsed and gave up four straight goals late in the third period. Goaler Gornick was not happy with his performance but could not be blamed for the 47 shots allowed on goal. The forward lines that were so dominant the last couple of weeks could not carry the play as the Kings gained confidence and the Quake defensemen were totally exhausted from the back-to-back games. The locker room was solemn as the stunned players tried to figure out what went wrong. All they could do is say, "F*&# it, Let's have some beers."

Coach Carbone's troubles continued as he missed the game due to an ex-family medical emergency. Brother Ricky said, "Randy would have kicked some serious ass tonight at this shitty performance." There has been no communication received from CEO Burden in China for over a week. This has left team officials nervous since Sax wanted him to sniff around the Chinese mafia for any clues of unusual cash flows that may contain a name of Carbone, Santarpio, Tocchet, or Janet Jones.

We would like to close this week's column by honoring young Nick Wood, for his dedication to sportsmanship, education, and humanitarian concerns. Nick continues to pursue his higher education at California State University; he never misses a hockey game, works a regular job, helps Mallory review movies, and still finds time to volunteer in the medical research industry. It is inspirational to see Nick conducting product evaluation in the field of medical cannabis late at night when ordinary mortals have gone to sleep. Keep up the good work, Nick.