2/17/06 Los Angeles, CA  Los Angeles Quakes owner, Roger Lucich, was visibly upset with the Associated Press report of illegal gambling activities and underworld relations involving Coach Randy Carbone. This is especially embarrassing to Lucich since he recently proclaimed to be a born again Christian and publicly vowed only to support enterprises dedicated to family values.

Lucich made a ridiculous attempt to save face and to change the image of the hockey team. Roger unveiled a plan to rename the team the "Moral Majority" and to build a new arena in Garden Grove to be named Crystal Cathedral Ice Palace. The hockey team would share the arena with Robert Schuller's skating extravaganza called "Holy Day on Ice." He noted that he has already reached an agreement in principle with the Trinity Broadcast Network to televise selected games. He added that he is trying to locate former Quake Padre, Andy Root, to offer him the job of player coach, which has been held by Carbone for the last decade. Root is believed to be building a mission compound in Africa, but may be interested in the opportunity to move his mission to the ice with the lure of Trinity Broadcast air time.

Reaction to Lucich's vision has been overwhelmingly negative from everyone connected to the Quakes. The top-scoring tandem of Temkin and Bogorad said they would refuse to skate with the Christian cross on their jerseys. PCHL commissioner Garcia nixed the request to change the team name, stating, "The Quakes franchise is the cornerstone of the PCHL and is rich in tradition." Lakewood mayor and Quake sparkplug, Greg Shaw, was quoted as saying "The beautiful Glacial Gardens and the adjacent Jig Lanes Recreation Center, have revitalized this community. The ACLU will provide legal assistance to keep the Quakes here." Lucich's response, was that he will sell the team if he can't move them out of Sodom and Gomorrah.

Quake fans have rallied around team, even though their on-ice woes continue. Carbone shook up the lineup by moving speedster Nick Wood up to the top line. He has threatened to also move slick puckhandler, Jeremy Menkee, up front to try to kick-start the sluggish offense. Outspoken Goaler Gornick blasted the move by blurting "I'm stuck in goal behind those G*&*damn old farts on defense." Gary Wells was overheard saying, "If John wants to play the age card, he should look in the mirror." Conditioning Coach, Carl "Goose" Gosewich, threw a tirade in the dressing room after the last loss. He was upset about the lack of commitment to his demanding workouts; he vowed to set an example by trimming down to 399 pounds by the playoffs. With all of the hoopla created by Lucich, Carbone was able to concentrate on hockey. Sax continues to miss games as he tries to uncover evidence linking Randy to the football gambling ring. It is rumored that the kingpin of the ring has the unusual code name of "Adopted Wop". If and when Sax returns to the ice, the Quake fans will likely boo him each time he touches the puck.

Current owner Lucich should have no problem selling the profitable Quake franchise. They have an excellent concession agreement and their merchandise is selling well (coffee mugs sold out in one day). GM Burden immediately left for China to arrange a group of investors to possibly bid for the team. Boris Stefanov, Chairman Emeritus of Baltika Beverage Holdings (BBH), indicated that the Russian brewery would love to buy the team. It is a natural fit to expand the market share of the powerful beer, and to provide an employment opportunity to young Russian talent.

With Burden overseas, and Carbone's legal problems, rock steady Ray Razo is expected to assume a greater leadership role on and off the ice. Ray already met with a group of rowdy fans called the "Woodies" because of their vocal support of energetic young Nick Wood. Ray vowed to the fans "The Quakes are here to stay." They applauded and started chanting "Hip Hop Hoo Ray" when Razo told them to keep bringing their folding chairs, coolers, and young girl friends to the weekly tailgate parties hosted by the Quake players.